


Sometime, Somewhere

by IncognitoShrimp



Series: Falling in Love with a Mutant Idiot [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ancestor-Era (Homestuck), Ancestors with Pre-Scratch Names, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crush at First Sight, Dolorosa is their mom and she's doing her best as a single mother of three, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Feelings Realization, Growing Up Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't really remember what's canon vs what I've thought up, Love Triangles, M/M, Multi, Not Beta Read, Or Is It!?, POV Second Person, Pining, References to Canon, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Young Ancestors (Homestuck), also I don't care what anyone says, gosh this is kinda hard to tag, look I haven't actually read canon in years, look Psiioniic is just a lovesick mess okay, probably not canon compliant, self deprecating thoughts, so if anything's weird I beg you to suspend your disbelief and enjoy it from there, unedited, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28538625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncognitoShrimp/pseuds/IncognitoShrimp
Summary: Psiioniic realizes he might like Signless just a bit too much for it to be completely platonic.He's unclear on how to deal with that.A series of moments with Psiioniic falling in love with Signless.
Relationships: The Disciple & The Dolorosa & The Psiionic | The Helmsman & The Signless | The Sufferer, The Disciple & The Psiioniic | The Helmsman, The Disciple & The Signless | The Sufferer, The Disciple/The Signless | The Sufferer, The Dolorosa & The Psiioniic | The Helmsman, The Psiioniic | The Helmsman & The Signless | The Sufferer, The Psiioniic | The Helmsman/The Signless | The Sufferer
Series: Falling in Love with a Mutant Idiot [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133264
Comments: 21
Kudos: 16





	1. Meeting

"Oh! I'm sorry! Are you alright!?"

You blink in the aftermath of your brief pain.

You wouldn't _dare_ look him in the eye, but this... what was he, a rustblood? He was... apologizing? ...to... _you..?_

No.

No, he couldn't have been.

You stay down, choosing to wait and let him pass instead. Whoever he was talking to must be in some sort of trouble- he pushed you aside to get to them, after all. And the rustbloods aren't usually cruel enough to do that without reason.

_"Oh dear-"  
_

You freeze as he _touches_ you.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

He has a hold on your shoulders-

...but he's not _grabbing_ you.

In fact he's _barely_ even touching you.

You keep your head down, unsure of what it is he's doing.

"...you aren't deaf, are you?"

He grasps your chin with the tips of his fingers, slowly leading you to raise your head.

You keep your eyes down.

Okay, so he was looking at you.

They do that sometimes.

You should never look back.

Others learned that the hard way.

But you remember well.

"...hello?"

He waves a hand in front of your face.

You tense further, trying to fight a sweat.

You can't look nervous.

They like it when you're scared.

They try to keep you scared.

You can't look scared.

He pauses for a moment, only to wave his hand again.

Does he... _want_ you to look at him..?

That... they've never...

You suppose you can't disobey...

You hide a deep breath.

And look up.

"Ah!"

You feel your bloodpusher pause for a bit.

He's young, maybe even a bit younger than you, considering how small he is.

"There we are- are you okay? That was quite a fall."

His gaze searches over you.

You aren't sure what he wants.

You don't move.

"...hello?"

He lays a hand against the side of your face.

You stop breathing.

_"Hm."_

He pulls back momentarily, pausing before promptly bringing it to your horns.

You jump, unable to suppress the shock at his action.

He hisses through his teeth, pulling his arm back and covering it in his cloak.

You can feel the blood drain from your face.

You're so fucking stupid.

He didn't even hurt you yet.

You have to apologize.

But he didn't say you could speak.

Your hands instinctively reach out to help him, and they stutter as you have to manually remember to restrain them.

They can touch you all they want.

They can _hurt_ you all they want.

What did you just fucking do.

You're shaking now, so drenched in a panicked mixture of fear and dread, you can't move.

He's turned away from you now, frantically checking something- you can't see what.

Oh you've hurt him, haven't you.

Oh _._

Oh _no._

_"Ah-"_

You bow your head, getting as low to the ground as you can, dropping your body nearly as flat as you would for your supervisor or a highblood.

He falls silent once you do that.

"...u-um..."

Something shuffles in his direction.

_"Hey."_

He's close.

His voice is soft.

He doesn't sound mad.

He places a hand over your shoulder.

He doesn't grab you.

You shakingly, hesitantly, bring your head up just a degree- just enough to get a glimpse of him.

You stop breathing again.

He's looking at you.

Really, _at_ you.

He doesn't look mad.

He looks worried.

His eyes are not cruel.

"...can you hear me?"

You pause, suddenly unable to get yourself to break from his gaze at all.

He asked you something.

You should answer.

You shakingly nod.

He sighs out, sounding relieved, then-

_Oh._

_He's smiling at you.  
_

_He's_

_Smiling_

_At_

_You._

You feel your bloodpusher stop.

"Hey, it's alright, I'm okay. I touched you without asking, and I should know better than to startle a psionic."

You mean to nod.

You think you do, anyway.

He's still smiling at you.

You can't breathe.

"Come on, can you sit up?"

You blink, staring up dumbly at him.

He asked you to sit up.

You should...

You should-

_You should breathe.  
_

You gasp in a breath, violently shoving yourself up.

He waits for you to catch your breath.

He waits.

For _you._

You still, willing your body to calm.

"I'm sorry for pushing you... and for touching you... and scaring- wow, I'm sorry for everything I just did."

He's apologized.

To you.

"I must've really startled you there. Are you alright?"

You nod dumbly.

"Ah, good."

He smiles wider.

Something in your chest jumps at that.

"I'm Kankri."

He offers a hand out to you.

Your thinkpan stalls as you wait only a moment before taking it.

His skin is warmer than yours.

You hope your face isn't as yellow as it's starting to feel like it is.

He stands, pulling you up with him as he does.

Even at his full height, he barely even reaches your chin.

"What's your name?"

He's still holding your hand.

He's still smiling at you.

His eyes look up to you warmly.

You open your mouth to tell him that you don't have one, bloodpusher beating out of your chest.

A large crash rings out, followed by deep shouting.

He jumps at this, turning around.

He _lets go_ of your hand.

"I have to go," he sounds scared, "I'm sorry."

He turns back to you with his widest smile of the night, a mixture of seeming want and regret in his gaze.

"I'm sure we'll meet again, if you look for me."

He lingers for just a moment more, as though trying to memorize your appearance in case you didn't look for him again.

Then, waving a brief goodbye, he's gone, sprinting into the forest.

You watch him go, still looking after him long after the shouting had died down.

You bring a hand up to where he had touched your face, slowly tracing over it.

You look down at the hand he held.

He didn't hurt you.

He spoke to you.

He looked at _you_.

...why would you _ever_ not look for him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the only way I'll get highly specific ancestor content is by making it myself then god DAMN IT, that's what I'll do.  
> Questions? Comments? Feel free to tell me, fellas.  
> Also, please school me on troll terminology if I got something wrong.


	2. Growing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Signless is psychic. Is this canon? I don't remember! But Kankri was a seer, so my boy has visions.

"'Tuna!"

You jump at his voice.

It'll take more than a sweep of traveling with him to override your instincts from six sweeps of slavery.

You still weren't quite used to speaking without permission yet, after all.

He swings down from the branches above you, landing gracefully and quietly onto the forest floor.

Dolorosa says you both have grown, but he barely even reaches your chest now.

You wonder if he'll ever get much taller.

You sort of hope he does, exclusively because you wanna see just how mad Meulin would get at being the shortest of the group.

She has a lead, though, so your chances don't look very good.

Ah well.

She's pretty easy to rile up anyways.

You look over to him, patiently waiting to hear what he wanted you for.

He smiles at you.

You're sure he'd hug you, if either of you liked hugs.

"We're all set to leave at moonset." He brushes the dust from his pants as he walks over to you. "You ready for another sun run?"

You're allowed to answer him honestly.

You forget sometimes, but you are.

_"U-uh..."_ your voice is still a bit creaky from lack of use. "I'd... like to rest just a little bit longer, if that's... okay..."

He nods.

"Sure. But Dola's gonna kill us if we're not back by the time the first moon sets."

He's joking.

You know he is.

But...

"I'm kidding."

He reassures you, padding over to lean against the same tree you are.

"She _will_ incessantly scold us, though."

Your pulse speeds up as he comes closer.

You aren't sure why.

You know you're safe with him.

Is that it?

You don't think that happens with Dolorosa or Meulin.

He sighs out next to you.

"It's pretty here, isn't it?"

You nod, forgetting you can speak.

You don't talk very much, but he doesn't seem to mind.

You decide to actually look at the scenery.

It _is_ pretty.

One of the nicer forests you've hidden out in.

At this hour, you can see the pale pink moonlight filter cooly through the leaves.

His head falls against your arm, and all of a sudden, you can't breathe.

He doesn't like to be touched, and he always asks before touching you.

And he isn't reacting to your sudden tension.

Oh.

You glance over at his limp, subtly twitching form.

A vision.

Of course.

You know he can't control when they happen, but something about the fact that he came over to you first makes your face start to heat up.

You let him stay there for a while, but it's starting to get late.

Dolorosa may not kill you, but the sunlight certainly could.

You can't wake him up.

It just doesn't work like that.

Should you carry him?

You don't think you could, actually.

He may be small, but you're pretty weak.

Besides, you're pretty sure he wouldn't like being picked up anyway.

You don't want him to dislike you.

You could use your psionics?

No, you're not very good with those.

You definitely don't wanna hurt him.

You lean forward a bit, looking him over.

It's as if he was asleep, if a bit fitfully.

From this angle, you can see his face, usually mostly hidden by his hood.

You aren't sure why this makes you flush.

His lashes flutter a bit as he grunts quietly.

You lean back, hoping he didn't see you.

He takes a sharp, quiet breath, and he's back.

"O-oh," he straightens, lifting his head away from you, "I 'm sorry." He stretches, chest puffing as he breathes in.

"I wasn't out too long, was I?"

You shake your head, hoping your face is back to its usual gray and not still bright yellow.

"Oh, good. _Ah-!"_ He jumps as he looks to the sky. "Oh, it's _way_ later than I thought! Come on!"

He darts forward, grabbing your hand as he does.

You would've followed him, of course.

But he took you with him anyway.

Like he didn't wanna lose you either.

The thought makes you glad you're behind him as blood rushes back to your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psii's a blushy one in this.


	3. Changing

He's been with you a little less.

He doesn't suddenly hate you, you don't think.

Even though you thought he did at first.

He's just spending more time with Meulin lately.

They don't fight as much as they used to.

You don't quite get it.

You toss another rock, the hits starting to chip away at the cave wall.

"Your aim is getting better."

You jump, the rock you had floating randomly shooting off.

Dolorosa catches it with a soft giggle just before it hits her.

"My apologies. I've interrupted you, haven't I?"

"U-um... not really, no..."

She'd never _dream_ of hurting you, but even after all this time, you're still just a _little_ scared of her.

She drops the rock back into the pile.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"What?"

She kneels down beside you, draped cloth making her look as elegant as ever.

"You're thinking about something, aren't you? You're practicing your psionics more. Is everything alright?"

Your ears lower, a bit embarrassed at how easily she read you.

"U-um..." you bring your knees to your chest, curling up, "I-I just..."

She looks to you, patiently waiting for you to speak.

"...I guess... the other two have kinda been... ignoring me..."

She frowned.

You didn't say something wrong, did you?

She sighed, looking away for a moment.

_"I thought this might happen."  
_

She looked back at you, nothing but affection in her eyes.

"They don't mean to ignore you, Mituna." Her face steeled. _"Because if they **were** purposefully ignoring you, I'd make **sure** they remembered their damn manners." _The sternness quickly faded away. "You must remember, these two have been together for a _very_ long time. If I'm honest, they were sort of bound to end up together somehow. And, really, their quadrants are none of my business, but... do you understand what I'm saying?"

You get a sinking feeling in your chest.

"...I think so."

You think you understand more than you wanted to.

She sighs again.

_"Oh, Mituna."  
_

She leans over, pulling you into a hug.

You don't really like hugs, but she's good at them, so you let her.

"I'm sorry if you're feeling lonely. They should start to get over each other soon, okay?"

"...okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dolorosa's a single mother of three and she's trying her best and I love her.


	4. Annoying

If anything, they've gotten more obnoxious.

You're happy they're happy.

You are.

But what you wouldn't _give_ just to have **_ONE. DAY._** without those two _fawning_ over each other.

Each _'hello'_ turns into a flirting session, and, quite honestly, it's starting to get nauseating.

You're not jealous.

_Really,_ you aren't.

Do you wish Kankri would spend more time with you?

Yes, but you wish Meulin would too.

But you know you can't spend time with them _together._

They just end up focusing on each other, leaving you just as alone as before.

And whether they mean it or not, it's starting to _hurt._

And you don't like it.

You don't like it at _all._

Dolorosa's seen your reactions.

She knows you're upset.

And she does her best to break them up when they get too clingy.

But-

Try as she might, she just doesn't _quite_ get it.

Can't _quite_ read you.

Can't seem to figure out you're upset for more than one reason.

You didn't quite get it at first either.

But you've seen how Meulin looks at him.

He looks at her the same way.

Is that how _you_ look at him?

You think it might be.

You float a branch between them, abruptly breaking their almost-nuzzle.

Meulin grabs the stick, throwing it down and sticking her tongue out at you with a slight hiss.

He frowns at you.

Just a little.

But he does.

And if you look for it, you can see a hint of disapproval in his eyes.

Your chest is tight and you think you just might cry.

You're not jealous.

You _really,_ honestly aren't.

But what you wouldn't _give_ just to have him touch you like that.

To brush against your hand when he thinks no one's looking.

To walk just a bit too close to you while traveling.

To lean against you while you sleep.

.

...you're happy for them, of course.

Meulin's just as much your friend as he is, and they deserve to be happy.

And if being with each other is what makes them happy?

...well...

you'd hate to get in the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh y'all're gonna love this next chapter.  
> PHEW I'm stressed, so y'all get this early tonight. Stay safe, everyone.


	5. Admitting

You love him.

You love him, you love him, you love him.

And you're an _idiot_ for it, but you love him.

How couldn't you?

He's asleep in your lap.

'Rosa went out into town, and Meulin went to hunt.

Leaving just you two.

You were hoping for some time alone with him, but he was tired, so here you are, gently holding the troll you were so _stupidly_ desperate for.

He's more okay with you touching him now than he used to be, so you're savoring every moment.

He's getting tired more often lately.

He walks a bit slower.

He has more visions.

He has more nightmares too.

He mentioned them to you once, but you don't think he meant to.

More often than not, he's still out of it for a few minutes when he wakes up, sometimes even rambling in a language you don't recognize.

You've tried to ask him about what it is exactly that he sees, but you don't think you quite understand.

You think he might be talking about another world?

You're not quite sure.

You can't tell where his nonsensical rambling stops and his actual predictions start anymore.

He seems to be able to, though, so that's enough for you.

You just hope he's okay.

He sighs out in his sleep and you can't help but softly brush the hair from his face.

You've always liked looking at him, but...

when he's asleep, he doesn't seem to look so worried.

Not as tense.

He can finally have a moment where he doesn't have to run.

It's a shame he has to be unconscious for that, though.

You've been playing with his hair and you can't help the light flush or soft smile that creep onto your face.

"...Mituna?"

You freeze, blood turning to ice as you hear her voice.

You _fucking **idiot.**_

Meulin's standing across from you, dragging her kill behind her.

She saw what you were doing.

And she's _looking_ at you.

"...Meu-lin..."

You only manage to stutter out her name, never felling more ashamed than you do right now.

What kind of horrible person lusts after their friend's matesprit when they have their back turned?

How _depraved_ are you?

She drops her kill, settling quietly down across from you.

She's looking at him, resting in _your_ lap.

You've never been more afraid of her.

_Disgusting._

'...is he okay?'

She signs at you, a somewhat worried expression on her face.

You take a deep breath.

'Yeah.' You sign back, careful not to disturb him. 'He said he was tired.'

She sighed, sounding a bit upset.

'He's _always_ tired now.'

You nod.

'I know.'

You're both quiet for a beat.

Then, hesitantly, she raises her hands.

'...you love him, don't you?'

Instantly, tears come to your eyes.

Her face falls as you tear up, ears dropping.

She scrambles over to you, wrapping her arms around you in a tight hug.

You don't like hugs, but you can't bring yourself to push her off like you usually would.

You're crying.

She just found out you're in love with her matesprit and now she's _hugging_ you because you just couldn't stop yourself from crying.

You let your face fall against her shoulder, burning with shame.

How pathetic.

She won't hurt you, you don't think, but you wouldn't blame her if she did.

_"Hey,"_ she coos to you, voice sort of wobbly from her near total deafness, _"it's okay. It's okay. I'm not mad."_ Her hold tightens even more as you shake. _"I'm not mad at all."_ She laughs quietly. _"Believe me, I... I get it."_

She only pulls back when your breathing evens out, even wiping the tears from your eyes.

You know she doesn't exactly _do_ quadrants, but you can't help but be somewhat disgusted with yourself for just how _pale_ she's being with you.

For fuck's sake, her matesprit's still _in your lap._

You carefully move him aside.

He's still dead asleep.

Whether it's a vision or a nightmare or whatever, you just can't tell anymore.

And she's looking at you.

Her eyes are void of any sort of hatred- romantic or otherwise- but still.

She's looking at you.

'How long?'

She's signing again.

You hesitate, really trying to think about how long it's been.

'... since we met, I think."

She laughs at that, her shoulders bouncing.

'Sorry, just... it's funny. Looking back, I think I can kinda tell.'

You bring your knees to your chest, curling up tightly in unbridled shame.

She soothingly runs a hand down your back, getting your attention.

You still can't help but hate that she's comforting you.

'Really, it's _okay.'_

You shudder out a breath before signing back.

'it really _isn't.'_

She frowns, finally seeming to pick up on something.

'Mituna, when are you gonna get it through your skull that we really do love you?' Her words might seem aggressive, but you can tell by her eyes that she doesn't mean them to be. 'No one's secretly mad at you. No one's on the verge of kicking you out. And no one's upset with you for falling in love.'

You whine, flattening your ears, at just how easily she seems to be able to read your mind, thankful that she probably couldn't hear you.

She shuffles just a bit closer, making you bristle instinctively.

" _Hey-!'"_ she barks out, getting your eyes back on her before raising her hands, 'Why? Why is that not okay?'

She's glaring at you.

Not out of sheer hatred, you know.

Even though it sorta feels like that.

She's just that blunt, this is how she cares about people.

And personally, you'd rather throw yourself into the Alternian sun than talk about this anymore,

but she's a practiced hunter.

You know from experience exactly how long she can challenge and stare something down, and quite frankly, you'd like to do something other than shake under her gaze in a dank cave for the next week or so.

And besides,

She may not be the tallest, but she _is_ the strongest.

"Because... _you're-"_ you start, forgetting she can't hear you. You uncurl yourself just enough to be able to move your arms effectively.

'He's with _you.'_

'Are you red for him?'

_'Anything.'_

You flush at how quickly you signed that word.

She laughs again, softer than before.

'Same here.'

_That_ gets your attention.

You sit up properly, blinking in shock at her.

'Hey, 'Tuna,' she grins lopsidedly at you, 'not sure if you've noticed, but _nothing_ about _any_ of us is exactly traditional. I'm supposed to be a hermit- dead instead of deaf,- and he shouldn't even exist. You _really_ think we're gonna be bound by some shitty ol' quadrants?'

You sigh.

You already knew this.

'I've never seen you bound by _anything.'_

She nods.

'Right, so why would I be at all mad at you for falling in love with him too?'

'Meulin-'

She slaps your hands down, cutting you off in a way you hadn't expected.

'You want him. You don't care how, you just know that you need him with you. Can't breathe with or without him, right?'

She pauses only a moment, taking your flushed silence as a concession.

'That's _exactly_ how it is for me. When I say I get it, I _really do get it._ You just can't help but love that idiot because... how _couldn't_ you?'

You keep her sincere gaze, something in you refusing to look away until you can find some sort of something- malice, hatred, trickery, _something._ She couldn't _really_ be okay with how disgustingly desperate you were.

You can't find anything.

There's nothing in her eyes but sincerity and real, unjudging understanding.

And she really does love you.

Not in the same way either of you love him.

It's more like the way you all love Dolorosa.

Different, for sure, but just as real.

You could almost smile at that.

Almost.

It's a bit too much to take in right now.

You take a slow, steadying breath.

You raise your hands once more.

'...what now?'

'I dunno.' She shrugs at you. 'I don't know if he know or not.'

You nod your head, knowing well how oblivious he really is to most things, despite being a damned _actual psychic._

'If he does, then it's a matter of how he feels about you too.' She looks firmly at you. 'If he doesn't, then it's up to you whether you tell him or not. It's really not my place to do that _for_ you and... _shit,_ dude, this has to have been just eating you alive, hasn't it?'

You look down, unable to make yourself look at her gaze anymore.

She snaps, trying to get your eyes on her again.

You look only as high as her shoulders.

'Either way, I just need you to promise me that you'll still help me look after him, okay?'

You force yourself to look at her face.

Her eyebrows are knitted together, waiting for your answer.

As if you could ever say no.

You nod.

Because of _course_ you do.

Because she's right.

You want him.

You need him.

Even if he isn't yours.

Even if he never is.

And even if he never will be.

She opens her arms, offering a hug, but not forcing one on you.

You pause for a breath, opening yours to accept.

She pounces on you, holding onto you firmly, but gentler, more tenderly than usual.

.

You never do tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, y'all're gonna LOVE this next chapter :)c  
> Prolly the end of daily updates, but I'm still gonna finish this, don't worry.  
> I'd say there's like 2-3 more chapters left.


	6. Waiting

You've never seen him so scared.

So frightened, that he actually _dropped_ his peaceful expression.

Actually _looked_ scared.

And that's exactly why you're _terrified._

You tried to help, you really did, you _know_ you did.

But a swift hit to the skull and you were powerless.

And that's exactly how you are now.

Your arms are bound, too long limbs more useless than usual as the band around your head supresses your psionics.

You don't know where they are, where _any_ of them are.

You're worried sick about the other two too, of course.

But their blood isn't a death sentence.

His is.

You're not _exactly_ sure why you were separated from them.

You think it might have something to do with your hemo-class or your psionics or _whatever_ bullshit reason they had for keeping you here.

You don't know how long you've been here, but you know that it's been a while.

Long enough for you to be _exhausted._

But you can't bring yourself to sleep.

Not until you know what's happening out there.

To them.

To _him._

But you can't leave.

You can barely even move.

And it's not like you could even do anything, anyway.

So you're stuck here, just hoping, _praying_ that they'll be okay.

That they won't get hurt.

That he's alive.

And you try your best to ignore the hot tears and abysmal pit in your stomach screaming otherwise.

Because you refuse to admit you know better.

Because you just can't.

You can only wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, babes.  
> Daily updates til this ends.  
> Hope y'all're doing well out there.


	7. Missing

You don't get it.

You really, really don't.

But you're pretty sure she's obsessed with you.

In a bad way.

She cups your face,

she coos out your name,

she smiles at you.

But it's all _too_ sweet.

And her hands are not gentle.

She is not kind.

She's nothing like...

...

He must be dead, you know.

They all must be.

Even if they weren't executed, you've been here long enough that you must have outlived them all by now.

You don't _know,_ but you're pretty sure.

She likes to keep that from you.

You think it might be like a game to her.

You ask how long she's kept you here,

and she smiles.

Too wide.

Too sweet.

It doesn't reach her eyes.

Nothing ever does.

You stopped asking long ago.

You think that pissed her off.

She likes playing with you.

However she can.

But you're _tired._

You _are_ constantly powering her fucking airship, after all.

You just don't have the energy to spit back at her anymore.

You've all but given up.

You haven't, though.

You won't.

You just can't.

As tired and hopeless as you are, you _refuse_ to give in to her.

You can't do much of anything like this, but you know you can do that.

You'd sooner die a thousand deaths at her hand than ever bow to her again.

You think they'd be proud of you.

You know he would be.

You think she's keeping you alive somehow.

Goldbloods shouldn't live so long- especially not under your conditions.

You think she's trying to break you first.

Before she even considers letting you die.

You could almost laugh at that.

And you almost do- you know that would piss her off like nothing else.

But you're tired.

And you haven't tried to speak in sweeps, anyway.

But she hasn't broken you.

Try as she might, you won't let her.

And hey- maybe she'll tire herself out.

Maybe she'll get bored of you.

Only time will tell, you suppose.

And you've got all the time in the fucking world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left- it's more of an epilogue.  
> Hope y'all are enjoying this :).


	8. Loving

You're dead.

You're not sure when.

You're not sure why.

You're not even really sure _how._

But you're sure that you're finally dead.

And you've barely even pushed yourself up before you're bowled over by an armful of mutantblood.

And it takes you a minute to really register what's happening.

To realize just who's squeezing the after-life out of you.

You never liked hugs,

but _shit_ did you miss them.

Your arms are only limp for a moment, a mix of atrophy and shock, before you're squeezing him back just as hard as you can.

He's warm.

So much warmer than she ever was- in every sense of the word.

And he's sobbing into your shoulder.

But he sounds relieved- and, you think, a little ecstatic.

The thought makes your chest feel like it's beating for the first time in centuries.

You've missed that.

His grip tightens even more, if that was possible, and he's calmed down enough to speak through his heaving cries.

_"...what **took** you so long, you asshole?"  
_

You can't help but cackle at the swear.

You think you can feel tears of your own run down your face.

_"...'m sorry."  
_

_"Nope-"_

He pushes himself up and something in your chest just _shatters._

He looks _so_ young.

Not a day older than last time you saw him.

You can feel your entire body drop from the overwhelming dread.

_"Hey-"_

He cups the side of your face- so, _so_ gently- wiping the tears from your eyes.

_"I'm not about to let you apologize to me for **living.**_ _I would have waited forever for you."_ _  
_

You can't stop the guilt that bursts from your throat.

_"But you're-"  
_

_"I know."  
_

He smiles at you, the crease in his brow seeming to imply that he really _does_ know what you were about to say.

_"I know..."  
_

He repeats, softer this time.

You summon the strength to surge forward, pulling him back onto you in a stronger embrace than before.

He chuckles softly into the crook of your neck, resting there for a moment.

_"Come on,"_ his voice is softer than it used to be, you think- quieter, _"can you sit up?"_

You allow him to climb off of you before forcing your gangly arms to push yourself up into a sit.

_"Are you alright?"  
_

He offers you a hand.

You nod, taking it without a second thought and letting him pull you to your feet.

He only reaches your chest.

You can't believe you forgot that.

He's always been small, but you can't help but think that he looks even smaller now- in demeanor as well as stature.

He doesn't stand as straight.

He doesn't speak as loud.

His hood is lower than he used to wear it.

You reach out to pull it down, and he lets you.

And you're looking at him.

Really, _at_ him.

And he's smiling at you again, but differently.

As though always offering a subtle apology.

You can't help but reel with thoughts of what could've happened that night.

But you won't burden yourself with that just yet.

If there's one thing you've perfected over all these sweeps, it's willpower.

Faint red streaks stream down his cheeks.

You shift to wipe at them, and he allows you to cradle the side of his face, actually leaning into the touch.

You've missed him beyond words.

And it seems he's missed you just as much.

You can't help but wonder if he ever knew.

If he ever loved you like that.

If ever, in any of his visions, sometime, somewhere, you two made it.

Because even after all this time,

you love him.

You do.

Maybe not in _quite_ the same way you used to, but you do.

And he seems to love you just as much, however different his love may or may not be.

And he's still holding your hand.

_"Come on,"_ he pulls on your hand, lacing your fingers together firmly before stepping in close to your side, _"Meu's been a nervous wreck looking for you, and Dola's gonna double kill me if we keep her waiting long."_

He's walking deliberately slow, though.

You can't help but smile at that.

Because he leans against you just a bit.

And you've never been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading y'all ! :)  
> I'm pretty new to writing romance so any thoughts are appreciated.  
> Til next time!

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said to suspend your disbelief if something's weird, but please if something's confusing or doesn't make sense, tell me, I'll do my best to explain.


End file.
